Netflix recently released its Taylor Swift documentary, Miss Americana, and while fans certainly flocked to watch, I was just curious to see what it was all about.
I hadn’t read any reviews or seen the trailer, so I had no idea what I was about to watch, but after a very emotional hour and a half, I emerged from the sofa with a passion to go out and prove the world wrong.
The documentary explored several themes around Taylor’s life, including the struggles of being a celebrity, sexual assault, politics and self-image. However, the part that resonated with me the most was her honest and frank discussion of validation and the perils of craving too much of it.
Taylor spoke about how she’d always sought approval from, well, everyone. Craving the metaphorical pat on the head for a job well done, desperate for people to congratulate her and living for strangers to scream her name.
She was brutal about how prominent these feelings were in her life and explains, "when you’re living for the approval of strangers, and that is where you derive all of your joy and fulfilment, one bad thing can cause everything to crumble."
While I genuinely don’t have a strong opinion of Taylor Swift, either way, this part of the documentary kept playing in my head and I think there’s a lot to learn about validation.
We all crave it
Whether it’s from likes on Instagram, a grateful boss or your parents commenting on how proud they are of your life choices, we’re all looking for validation. Some more than others, but it’s in all of us.There’s nothing inherently wrong with wanting others to approve of your decisions, but it can get exhausting and I’ve especially struggled with it throughout my life.
While many may view me as loud, confident and unapologetic, I crave validation from just about everyone. When I was a kid, it was the comments from teachers on my homework and my parents about my behaviour.
As I started working full-time, I thought the feelings would go away, but they didn’t. I asked my first boss for approval on everything I did and it’s something I still do today. In part because I’m terrified of losing my job (PTSD from a past redundancy) but also because I want someone to tell me I’m doing a good job.
I show my partner all of my blog posts and wait with bated breath for his congratulations on what a great writer I am and if he doesn’t, I follow up with questions, fishing for any compliment I can get.
Self-confidence is hard
Watching Miss Americana was like having a mirror held up to my face, showing me how damaging craving validation is and what’ll happen if I don’t change my behaviours.We live in a social world, where we’re all constantly judging and picking apart what others do. Sometimes it’s constructive and other times it’s just mean, so no wonder self-confidence is so rare, when everyone is ready and waiting to chime in on your life.
Sure, when things are good and everyone around you is agreeing, you feel confident in your choices. But, when things get messy and even one person thinks your idea is bad, your entire belief system can crumble instantly.
We must try to believe in ourselves, otherwise, we’re forever at the will of what other people think. Which, just like our own opinions, can be influenced by mood, experiences and even what the weather is like that day.
Humans are fickle, so relying on them alone to guide you through life is ridiculous.
Trusting yourself is freeing
Having a support network to help guide us through life is important. It helps us see the world through other people’s eyes and potentially avoid mistakes they've already made.Taylor muzzled herself for years, not discussing politics at the suggestion of her managers. But, if she’d kept listening to them, and worried about the potential public reaction, it would have crushed her soul.
There's only so much someone can restrain their true self before exploding. Trusting yourself gives you control over your choices and your actions inevitably become more authentic because you truly believe in them.
You can’t wait for everyone’s approval to live your life and if you believe what you’re doing is the right thing, you should at least try it.
